Distorted Reflection

When everyone looks into the mirror, they tout they know themselves well. They know where their flaws are and hide them. They know what their strengths are and flaunt them. But how many actually know the strengths and flaws that lay deep inside them? Do we know what we actually want? Does everyone understand their personality well?
Maybe you do. But I realised, I don't.

I tout I will love the job I am in. Thinking that I finally have the chance to step a foot further in the F&B industry, obtain an executive position, and earn myself fat paycheck every month. To my horror, I dun a least bit enjoy what I am doing! Im struggling... with colleagues, boss, books, and myself! What's wrong with me! Sh*t!

I always believe that I understand myself well, but I guess I dun. I alwaz land myself into a big mess and have trouble cleaning it up. I'm a 22 year old who dunno herself! Failure! So, one nite, in my cosy, warmly lighted and air-conditioned room, on my silky bed, I wrote down the following list of likes and dislikes:

:: Nope. I dun want to be a career woman ::
:: Nope. I dun really like to socialise that much ::
:: Nope. I dun like working alone ::
:: Nope. I dun like sitting in office ::
:: Nope. I dun like toking business ::
:: Nope. I dun like paper work ::
:: Nope. I dun like approaching people ::

:: Yes. I like working in small team ::
:: Yes. I like music, I love songs ::
:: Yes. I am a nite person ::
:: Yes. I like toking my point of view ::
:: Yes. I have creativity ::
:: Yes. I love singing ::
:: Yes. I like moving around::
:: Yes. I like languages ::
:: Yes. I like coordinating ::
:: Yes. I like to share ::
:: Yes. I love magazines ::

And then, I came out with a list of occupations:

:: DJ :: - my childhood dream
:: Columnist :: - Have won 1st in essay writing
:: Singer :: - Have genes inherited from my mum
:: Wedding Planner :: - Love orgainising
:: Fashion Stylist :: - Magazines fanatic
:: Designer :: - Have lotsa ideas
:: Performer :: - Was in speech and drama course
:: Animal Keeper :: - Being a nature and animal lover

Haha... what a nice list of jobs. But these are the jobs that are impossible for me! It's impossible to be a DJ, I dun speak that well. It's not possible to be a columnist, I can't write well. Definitely can't be a singer, that is juz a dream. Wedding planner, have been searching for years and to no avail. Designer, I dun have the skill & my drawing sux. Fashion stylist, I dun have the knowledge. Performer, I dun have the courage. Animal keeper, I'm scared of lizards.

Duh! I am someone who is born with creative brain and arty talents but handicapped by insufficient skills!!! So I'll never ever be able to pursue my dreams... I'll be stuck with things i hate.

Maybe as what my frens said, starting out is not easy. I tout so too. So maybe I shall juz give myself time, to see whether I'll drown in the sea of wine or swim onshore of a beautiful island.